He Gone!

I took the boys to get their flu shots today. They're normal kids so, of course, they freak out when they hear 'shot.' I promised cake and ice cream if the didn't cry BEFORE the shot. I understand that it hurts and crying is acceptable during the shot. But I'm not ok with crying for 15 minutes on the drive there.

I thought that if I got my flu shot first, they would see that it was no big deal. So, I rolled up my sleeve and took it like a champ. The look of horror on their faces! There was a flaw in my plan. Now they knew exactly what they were in for.

Since Jackson was practically hyperventilating, I had him go next. I figured it'd be best to get the difficult one over with. And difficult it was. Keep in mind, we go to a military medical clinic. Big guys in military uniform are handing out these shots. I held Jackson's arms and bear hugged him into submission while Joe Navy gave him the shot.

By the time Jackson was done, I was sweating and my ears were ringing. While the Navy nurse man was getting ready for Silas' turn, he looks at me and say's "Where is he?" He starts looking under the chairs and behind the storage cabinet for my other kid.

Silas had escaped. He was so afraid of getting a flu shot that he ran away. The corpsman went down the hall one way and I went the other. At the end of the hall there were three guys in uniform looking at each other like 'What do we do?' while Silas hugged the wall, crying and repeating, "I don't want a shot. I don't want a shot."

I felt terrible. They almost called a Code Pink. He was shaking like a leaf. But I also couldn't stop laughing. He's usually my brave one. I never expected him to bolt! He gone!

I Saved You Some

On the 100th day of school Jackson made a 100 piece snack. It was a trail mix of many delights. When he got into the car after school that day, I'd guess he still had 75 pieces left in a bag.

Like every other day, he was excited to share his remaining snack with Silas. On the way to pick-up his brother, Jackson told me all about his wonderful snack, while eating it.

There's Fruit Loops, crunch, crunch. And Marshmallows. And pretzels, crunch, crunch. He was just as excited about how they made it as he was about eating it. I looked back and saw that he was down to about 50 pieces. So I said, "Hey, I thought you were saving some of that for Silas?" And he said, "I am!"

Jackson continued to tell me about his day and munch on his snack all the way to daycare to pick-up Silas. It's not a super long drive, but I was starting to wonder if any of the snack would be left when we got there. Crunch, crunch...

Jackson starts telling Silas all about the 100th day snack the second we walk into the classroom. And he told Silas that he saved him some. Such a nice brother!

By the time I get the boys in their car seats, Jackson opens up the bag of the remaining snack and there was only one piece of Chex cereal left. One square. Jackson spared him a square! And too my disbelief, Jackson says, "Here Silas," and he bites the single piece of Chex cereal in half and gives him the rest. HALF A PIECE OF CEREAL!! Out of exactly 100 pieces of trail mix! And Silas says, "Mmm, thanks Jackson!"

Walk of Shame

I try not to eat fast food. Like, ever (except when traveling). It's unhealthy. It's expensive. And there's some debate as to whether or not it's actually food at all. But sometimes you're in a hurry and you start to think about eating your own arm.

So, today, against my better judgment, I went through the drive thru at Taco Bell. As I approached the menu I realized I was driving Olive (2005 Suzuki Forenza that's holding on for dear life) and things were about to get tricky. The driver window doesn't roll down anymore. So I opened the door and placed my order. This is first wave of shame.

Nothing tops off a fast food order like a giant diet soda! A wee bit more shame.

I pull up to the pick-up window and I realize paying and receiving my brown bag of shame will be even more tricky than ordering. So, I open my door to pay and I scraped the bottom of my door on a freakishly high curb. I scared the poor woman inside and she looked at me like, "Don't try to act like you've never been through a Taco Bell drive thru before..." I smiled and waved like a big dummy and reached out with my money as my car started to roll away. I'm rolling because I can't put Olive in park anymore. Instead, you have to put the car in neutral and use the emergency brake; and I forgot to do so. So now I'm rolling away with money and my arm hanging out the door. I can feel the shame for sure.

On my way to my appointment I spent a solid 10 minutes at a stand still in traffic when I came across an urban high school that had just let out and there were no sidewalks. Teenagers everywhere! Between cars, down the middle of the road. Down both sides of the road. One poor guy was trying to direct traffic and pedestrians. So since I couldn't go anywhere, I decided to eat my burrito. And that's when I ended up wearing my shame.

Sleeping on the Couch

We weren't fighting. We were just having an enthusiastic discussion about money from different points of view. We're both squirrels when it comes to money. We even have an app called Acorns to help us save, you should check it out. But anyway...

We might both be squirrels, but we're still very different. Josh is the kind of squirrel who saves some nuts and eats them all winter. When Spring comes all his nuts are gone and he's a happy little critter. I'm the kind of squirrel who hides piles of nuts all over the place, spends the winter admiring the nut collection and then starves to death leaving the nuts for other squirrels to find.

The point is, these two squirrels are trying to find some happy medium here. Neither squirrel wants to starve. 

The enthusiastic discussion left me with lots on my mind. And I couldn't sleep. I wasn't mad at spendy squirrel. But nothing is more infuriating than watching someone hibernate when your brain is going 100 miles per hour. I tried sleeping on the couch, then with Silas and finally on the futon in the toy room. I think the amount of sleep I got that night could be measured in minutes rather than hours.

Here's what I'm really getting at...
Why can men saw logs through any circumstances? How do their brains just turn off? Do their thoughts just stop? I think they have a hidden switch somewhere, and I wish I had one too.

Toilet Troubles

With three boys in this house, there's bound to be toilet troubles. This particular event involved all three boys.

Silas came running out of the bathroom yelling, "Quick! Get the plubber! It's going to displode!" He drug me into the bathroom where he continued to explain.  "It's just going up and up! The water won't go swirly!"

Josh came to the rescue but he had some questions first. He asked Jackson how much toilet paper he used. And Jackson said, "I don't know. Like, 50?"

So Josh gets out the 'plubber' and Silas says, "Hey, that's Ms. Emma's toy!" That's when we really lost it. Ms. Emma was one of the caregivers at CDC in Fallon. And it sounds like she was often stuck with the unfortunate task of plunging the toddler turds.

This wasn't our first clogged toilet and it won't be the last. But it sure was funny. And we still call it 'The Plubber.'

He's So Sweet

My co-worker told me about the best ice cream she's ever had. Bride's Cake from Blue Bell. It's white ice cream with hunks of wedding cake and almond cream cheese icing swirl. It sounded good so I looked for it at the store. I didn't see it. I was a little disappointed but I figured that the commissary might not carry it and I made a mental note to look at the next grocery store I went to.

Over the next two weeks I checked three other grocery stores and couldn't find the Bride's Cake ice cream. I asked my co-worker where she found it and discovered it's a real hot commodity and hard to find. Her friend found some and bought every carton in the store and was refusing to sell it!

Challenge accepted! I was going to find this damn ice cream... I made calls to local grocery stores. I recruited friends. I even called Blue Bell to get the delivery schedule. Come to find out, I was not the only ice cream psycho on the hunt. People were following delivery truck drivers around town trying to buy it straight off the truck! We got a hot tip from my co-worker's friend that the Blue Bell delivery truck was in the Winn-Dixie parking lot. There weren't enough hours in the day to be a working woman, wife, mother and ice cream stalker.

I felt like I had given it my best and maybe it wasn't meant to be. Because if it was as good as everyone said, I'd probably eat the whole thing and make myself sick. So I gave it a rest.

One night Josh and I got into a little argument and I threatened to withhold cookies from him. His response was, "Then I'm not letting you have any of the ice cream hidden in the garage freezer." My face lit up!! I was so excited. Until he said, "I'm just kidding. There's nothing out there."

I cried. I actually cried. Real tears. The first tear was for the ice cream. The other tears were because I'm a grown woman, crying over ice cream. How ridiculous could I be?!?

Weeks went by and I had really given up on my Bride's Cake ice cream. The stories I had heard! I didn't have the time and resources for this search to continue. But little did I know, Josh had been stopping at the store every day on the way home from work to look for it. And he did it! We got the ice cream. And it was probably worth all the trouble. Isn't he so sweet?

He Drank Too Much

My old college roommate and I have been reunited. She moved to Louisiana about 12 years ago and now we're only four hourss from each other. We made plans to go back to school shopping at the outlet mall somewhat between our homes. But instead, I booked a cabin in Pensacola and it only took one quick text message to convince her to come along. We're back to our old shenanigans.

We hit the beach hard! Jackson and Silas' swim lessons are really paying off. The two of them were real naturals on the hand-me-down boogie boards Josh bought for $5. They had a blast swimming. Silas was having so much fun he couldn't stop smiling, or laughing, or drinking the ocean. He drank the whole ocean!

It became obvious just how much ocean he drank the next morning. Of course he had a tummy ache. He also managed to blow seawater and algae out his butt and into his swim trunks four times before lunch. He made it to the bathroom once; just the once.

On the way home he spewed a tidal wave of vomit all over the back seat. A sea of Gatorade and lunchmeat. Hot, pink meat and most of the Gulf of Mexico. He spent the rest of the 4 hour drive home holding a large Subway cup over his face, just in case. Poor guy.

Just when I thought he was out of the woods and feeling better he gave me quite the scare. I went to wake him up for daycare and he wasn't in his bed! I said, "Silas?" And there was no answer. My heart skipped a beat before I found him in the bathroom, asleep. On the floor. Curled up on the bath mat. Half behind the toilet. With his face on the cold tile floor. Holding his Subway barf cup. Like a tiny little drunk. I guess he drank too much (ocean).