The Jelly Bug

It was 30 seconds of terror (Jackson), panic (me) and confusion (Josh).
Jackson ran down the hall screaming like Randal the Monster was after him. He pointed down the hall screaming and crying.
Even with no glasses on I could see the giant black bug crawling down the hall."It's a huge bug!" I look down and see blood on Jackson's leg and I yelled to Josh, "Oh my God! It bit him."
Josh races down the hall to kill it. He shouts, "It's just a cricket!"
I shout back, "It's just jelly!"Guess he didn't get bit after all. Just a little raspberry jelly left over from dinner and one overgrown cricket.
Crisis averted.

Kirn Pool

I've never been skinny. Not even in 1996. So it's no surprise that swimming in PE was one of the lowest points in my life. As if being 14 wasn't difficult enough, our school forced us to sport swimwear in front of our classmates and called it 'recreation.'

The bold and brave ladies of my class used Aunt Flow as an excuse to get out of swimming whenever possible. But being the chickenshit crappy liar that I am, I stuck with the simple "I forgot my suit." You know what happens to people who forget their suit? They give you one from the lost and found! Or worse, when all the suits in the lost and found are too small, you get a Kirn blue team suit from the mid 1970's.

Well, now I've told the lie... I have to stick to it or my PE teacher (Ms. Cook, you know...) will know I'm a liar. So what do I do? I wear the Kirn suit. Because in that moment my pea brain was more worried about getting in trouble for lying than wearing my own damn suit!

I hang my head in shame at this moment looking back to that day. How could I be so stupid? Shame on me for being such a terrible liar. Shame on them for embarassing kids at the most awkward stage of their lives.

If I had it to do all over again I would have skipped class and just gone to Super Saver for a donut.

The S&%t Hit the Fan

Any evening can turn from mundane to utter chaos in a matter of minutes in this house. I took bath duty and was wrapping things up when the shit hit the fan, almost literally.

As I'm drying Silas off I catch a whiff. It's poop alright. But where is it coming from? Smashed between his chubby butt cheeks is one sticky little turd. Oh, great. It's on the towel too. The same towel I used to dry him off. Now I'm finding poop in his ear!

Josh is yelling for help from the kitchen. He obviously doesn't know what I'm dealing with here. In his defense, Jackson was taking a whiz in the dishwasher...

We get them in bed and it's quiet. So I get ready to take a shower. But I'm still smelling poop in the bathroom? I pick up a rubber duck and much to my surprise there's a turd sticking up out of the bathtub drain. You see, Silas really likes to sit on the drain when I let the water out of the tub. But his chubby little cheeks usually plug up the hole. Guess the drain just sucked the poo right out of him.

The Christmas Letter

01 – We rang in the New Year with our friends in Oregon at Cody and Margaret White’s wedding and celebrated the Price Family Christmas. Josh left for school in San Diego and I returned home with Jackson to live with my parents while our house was on the market. 

02 – Josh flew home to surprise me for my 30^th birthday. At my birthday party we surprised everyone else by announcing that I was about five months pregnant. Jackson had an Almost First Birthday party at my parents’ house before we moved to Nevada. It was a great way to say goodbye.

03 – We got settled into our new place in Fallon, Nevada. Jackson had another First Birthday party Easter weekend and Josh’s family drove down to celebrate. I was glad they could all be here to help him learn to walk. After that, he was unstoppable!

04 – My mom came to visit for her birthday. She and Jackson had quite the reunion. When she left he spent quite a bit of time looking for her all over the house. 

05 – We celebrated Mother’s Day in Las Vegas. The trip was a hilarious reality check for us, but we made the best of it despite my contractions from too much walking. Jackson loved the pool at Circus Circus and we visited the Hoover Dam on the way home. 

06 – Oh baby! Silas arrived early on June 21; I wasn’t due until July 6.  Silas was a surprise all around from the very beginning. We didn’t know the sex in advance, but I was shocked to discover that he was NOT a girl!

07 – Back up arrived! I am so thankful that our families were able to visit and help us once Silas was born. Mike and Cammy stayed with Jackson while we were in the hospital. My mom and Aunt Laurie spent their entire vacation doing dishes, laundry and washing diapers. Poor Aunt Laure even got pooped on! My dad came later in July– he was the entertainment. Josh’s sister Amanda and her fiancé Dan came for a weekend and took some amazing newborn and family pictures for us.

08 – All of my family went home and Josh and I learned how to hold down the fort on our own. These boys are hard work! Josh’s Uncle Gerry and his girlfriend Sue came to visit for a few days to meet Silas. 

09 – We celebrated Josh’s 30^th birthday at the bowling alley with a few friends and a lot of Camouflage décor. Josh went to Washington for a week for school and stayed another week for an elk hunting adventure with the men in his family. It was just the boys and I at home for two weeks. Despite Silas having pneumonia, I held it together; but we ate a lot of macaroni and cheese. 

10 – Jason and Mary Price came for Halloween. Their daughter Declynn and Silas shared their first Halloween. Jackson was a football player and Silas was his ball. Jackson wasn’t so much excited about the candy as he was just getting stuff. People could have been handing out rocks…

 

 

11 – We celebrated Mike Price’s 50^th birthday and retirement in Oregon. It would have been a perfect weekend if that darn deer had stayed out of the road… We co-hosted Thanksgiving with our friends Brian and Ashlee Shields. My parents came for the feast and a week of visiting. They had a great time watching Jackson explore at the Nevada Discovery Museum. 

12 – I finally found the right job! I’m the Operations Clerk for the Child Development Center. The commute is about three blocks and both boys are just down the hall from my desk. Jackson seems to be excited for Christmas and looks all over for his Elf on the Shelf every morning.

And a special mention for Aunt Marilyn and Uncle Bob who we didn't get to see this year but have inspired me to write a Christmas Letter!

The Boy's Gotta Eat

Growing up, my brother was the hungriest person I knew. We would sit at Shoney's buffet watching him eat one plate after another. The worst part was when we had all finished, he would go to the bathroom and come back with a hollow leg ready for round two.

Eating was such a priority for this kid that he had to pack snacks for our paper route, only four blocks long. Once he sat on the corner and ate a bowl of cereal. He packed a bowl of Fruit Loops, a thermos of milk and a freaking spoon. We had a Pizza Hut jug that held about a half gallon. It tipped over in the wagon once filled with Kool-Aid and we were forced to deliver a few pink newspapers.

I think my favorite was when he pulled two cold hot dogs out of a fanny pack on a bike ride. Hey, at least he was willing to share!

A Little Too Quiet

I was feeding Silas on the couch and Jackson was being so good! He was playing with his toys. Just sitting there. He was so quiet. And then I realized, wait, he's a little too quite.

Sure enough. The little stinker was finger painting with a whole box of food coloring! It was everywhere. On his clothes. On the floor and the rug. On his face. He even ate some and was chewing on that scary little pointed cap.

I couldn't risk him painting the carpet and walls so I carried him to the tub. As I'm stripping him down I smell the smell. He pooped too! I couldn't put him on the changing table, again, the walls... So I took his diaper off in the tub and put it in the sink.

Of course, why wouldn't there be corn involved. So now I'm picking digested corn off his legs, back and butt. It's at this point that he realizes the end of the tub resembles a slide and goes for a ride. I've never cleaned a tub with toilet paper before.

By the time I get the water running I realize that if this wasn't so damn funny I would have been crying. Lesson learned. If he's awake, it should never be that quiet.

Better Half

I've never said the words My Better Half. It's gaggy, it's cheesey and sometimes it's just not true.

But now I get it. The other person is not the better half of the couple. The other half just makes life better when you are a couple.

In December Josh and I were apart from Christmas to February. It sucked. At some point I just turned into a Crab Apple.

My mom has been staying with us to help with the boys for the last five weeks. Less than two weeks in she started to miss Dad. I almost laughed. Two weeks? Suck it up lady! But now we both understand.

It's scary to think that some day I might have to go months without seeing my husband. I used to think that military should be paid more for this inconvenience. Now that I've been there and done that, even for a short period of time, I know that money wouldn't fix the misery of being separated anyway from your better half.