Hover Girl

On the way home from Reno we pulled into a gas station in Fernley to fill up. The second the wheels stopped moving Jackson says he has to go potty. Suddenly, Silas does too. We have a parenting courtesy where we try not to leave the other person out numbered, if we don't have to. But, like an idiot, I volunteered to take them both inside to pee in an effort to save time.

The three of us entered the women's restroom and headed for an open stall. To my disgust, I found a toilet seat covered in pee. It wasn't just a little accidental dribble. Oh no! It was like a gully washer of a urine storm all over the toilet seat.

This was an otherwise well maintained public restroom. They even provided plenty of those handy paper toilet seat covers. In this situation, who needs to hover? Eww and ahh all you want about gas station bathrooms. But if you're too good to sit on the seat, maybe you don't deserve one. Pop a squat over a tumbleweed and take a leak. Because those who hover force other people to hover. It's a vicious cycle. Did you ever stop to think that maybe you're the one who always "pees on the seat" and makes public restrooms "so disgusting?"

We promptly stepped over to the next stall where Silas peed in the toilet, not on it. Since his work was done, I pulled up his pants and let him out of the stall because, well, three is a crowd and I'm not exactly petite. Jackson was up to bat and I stood there waiting for him to go. And waiting and waiting. He says, "It doesn't work" which is code for, just kidding, I don't have to go, sucker.

As I'm wrapping up my lecture to Jackson about lying and pretending to have to pee just to get out of the car, Silas reenters the stall with Jackson's hat and says, "here you go!" I tell him thank you and say good job for peeing and I take the hat. The wet hat. The wet hat...

Because unlike you, Hover Girl, I try to teach my kids to clean up their messes. Unfortunately, the mess was yours and he cleaned it up with his brother's hat. So for the love of God, the next time you have to pee, just use the damn paper protector and sit your ass down!